Mother's Day 50 Years Ago, 5 Years Ago & Today

I was born 50 years ago today on Mother's Day 1959

I lost my mother 5 years ago on

Mother's Day 2004

Kathy Marie Penney 5-10-59, 6lbs 4 oz.

3 generations Mother's Day 2003

TODAY

Me & my husband with our three grandchildren

LIFE IS GOOD

Memory Monday-How We Met

1976 THEN

NOW

After way too much thinking and debating about how often I should update and what I should be blogging about. I have decided on. . . . . . . . Once a week!

My original thought when I started blogging was a way to let the grandchildren know what kind of family they come from. I wanted to tell them stories of my relationships with not only them but the world in general. I don't remember enough about my grandmother even though she lived with us from the time I was 10. I only remember snippets of my dad's mom, Nanny, and nothing of my grandfathers. I wish my parents were still here, there are questions I would like to ask them, sooooo. . . I will try to touch on things that my kids and grandkids might like to know about me past & present. That being said I will alternate between Memory Monday(past) and Not Me Monday(present) On to my first Memory Monday and what better place to start then how Tom & I met.

Tom's High School ride

1972 "John Dear Green" Chevy Nova. It had bucket seats so I used a pillow to sit on in between them. Seat belts? Don't think there were any!

It was May of 1976 when we met for the first time. It was at a "Field Party" and I need to defend myself before I get too far. I was raised in a very small country town in Ohio. At the time we were 35 minutes away from anything a teenager would want to do. No malls, no fast food, no movies. It was also legal to buy and consume ,I imagine, beer (3.2% alcohol and below)at the age of 18. Don't know if you can tell where this is going but there was a party "hosted" by a few graduating seniors, my brother Mark being one of them (although when I brought it up in front of my father a few years ago Mark denied it, I guess we never want to disappoint our parents) There was a keg of beer on the back of a trailer. I don't remember having a beer of my own but I was sitting on the trailer next to the keg pouring for everyone and it wasn't tapped quite right so there was a lot of foam. I felt it was my duty to drink said foam off of each and every cup of beer I poured. By the way, you CAN get drunk off of just foam. My best friend, Theresa Smith, was sitting next to me (her brother was our ride). She knew Tom from one of her classes (they were both Sophomores at the time and I was a Junior) she pointed him out to me because she thought he was cute and I agreed. A little later in the evening when another Sophomore was trying to get me to go into a tent that they had set up for well I'm sure you can figure out what for Tom witnessed my resistance and rescued me. On a side note when I got home at 11:15, 15 minutes late my father read me the riot act but didn't seem to notice that I was lucky to be able to stand on my own.

Me with a bad hair cut and tan in 1976 or maybe just a gatuitus bikini picture since it is my first and last!

After spending a month of that summer tanning in California at my sister's house I came back a fairly confident (even though I had my hair cut very short when my sister took me to a beauty college to get a $1 hair cut, a story for another day) Senior. When I walked into one of my first classes that fall guess who was there? You got it, Tom. I was determined to get his attention so I took the seat directly behind him. I would wear colorful socks and put my feet up on his chair so that he would have to ask me to move them. I was walking through football practice with another friend, Judy Collier, when I mentioned that I liked him she said that she knew him pretty well and wanted to know if I wanted to meet him. Of course I agreed. She invited us both over to her house on September 25, 1976, made us a Chef Boyarde pizza and he asked me to homecoming (I already had a date but I said yes anyway, it's wrong I know I still feel bad to this day) Anyway the rest they say is history. We still celebrate with a pizza and beer every September 25th.

Not Me Monday

Jennifer & my favorite pictures with my parents

Jennifer likes my Not Me Mondays. I think she just likes me to admit that I make mistakes. So, here goes

I didn't have to ask my daughter-in-law what was included in "Spring Cleaning" because ever since I was married we never lived anywhere for more than two years and just never needed to, Not Me

I didn't suggest Jen cut back on Jack's sweets and then give him a chocolate cupcake as soon as he came in the house, Not Me (he loved it so much he was eating the crumbs off the floor faster than Mommy could sweep them up)

I didn't put a Cleveland Browns bib on Wyatt while he was here and made sure I took it off of him for fear it would get "lost" in the Ravens loving household, Not Me

Wyatt in the Browns bib & Brutus

I didn't have to stop Ella from kicking the 70 pound dog only to have her say "but you do it Grams", Not Me (In my defense I was just pushing him aside with my foot

I didn't wash my floors with a new but stained white washcloth thinking the bleach in the water would make it as good as new (it didn't!), Not Me

I didn't chase Ella squirting my new body spray at her on the hardwood floor only to make it a large slippery spot for Tom to "find", Not Me

I didn't suggest to my grandchildren's parents not to hold their babies for naps but laying them down and then hold Wyatt for an hour and a half while he slept, Not Me.

I didn't have to bite my tongue when Thomas was complaining about coaching problems with little league (he's an assistant coach) because in my day I was not the worst parent in the stands, Not Me

Tommy & Charlie

I didn't get disappointed when Charlie skipped out on going to mass with us again this week and then wonder if Thomas was getting into his church TOO much, Not Me

Remember these are all things I wish I would not have done. I sure do give my kids a hard time. Sorry guys!! I love you all more than life itself and am very proud of the adults you have become.

I don't think I like Not Me Mondays. I really don't like me. Geez maybe I should go back on medication LOL

I didn't realize I have so much to say

The two houses I lived in until I was married

I really didn't think my life was so busy. So many things I want to write about since my last post. I started this blog so that I could tell the grand kids stories of my past (while I could remember them) and my present is so full I really haven't had the time.

First I want to just thank Jennifer for the completion of a wonderful Easter. She hosted a perfect dinner and organized a fun filled egg hunt for all three grand kids. It was so relaxing to sit around and just visit at ease. This was all after they and Charlie, Michele & Wyatt went to Easter mass with us. I usually get teary at church but I was so proud and happy all I could do was smile. A great new beginning.

Tom works from home on Mondays and also worked from home Tuesday filing his travel paperwork. He was still so exhausted from the last two traveling weeks that he decided to take the rest of the week off. He was having a lot of pain not only because of the travel but the VA had a shortage of Percocet and would only give him 10 days worth at a time and needless to say with all his travel it wasn't real convenient to drive out there every 10 days. He still enjoys having the grand kids around and he volunteered to have Jack spend the night on Wednesday.

I spent the week going through my parents old pictures and scanning them so that I could take the originals to my brothers & sisters when we visited them over the week end. I only went through the 70's and found only FIVE of me. They enjoyed getting them but my sister in law kept commenting how many of my brothers pictures had his girlfriend in them (they are still friends with her) Here is a picture with Cheryl Ann, Matt & Cookie in 1974 and one with my brother Mark & his 57 ChevyTom and I went to Ohio Friday morning. It was the anniversary of my father's death and I just felt like I wanted to be there. We went out to their local bar for drinks & burgers. Strange thing though the waitress brought my brother Canadian Club (which our mother preferred) instead of his usual Southern Comfort by mistake and an order of breaded mushrooms which no one ordered and were our dad's favorite. For whatever reason it happened it made us smile. On Saturday my other brother and sisters and their spouses came over for a cook out for my 50th birthday which is next month. My sister got me a beautiful leatherbound copy of "A Purpose Driven Life" which I own in paperback and tried to read with some people at work a while back. I I'm really looking forward to getting back to it! It was so relaxing, we ended the night around a campfire. I took the camera with me but it just didn't seem like the right time. On Sunday we went to Tom's dad's church. He and his wife were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary with a renewal and official exchanging of vows in church since they were married civilly. You can listen to the whole service here http://www.streetsborolutheran.org/audio.htm On a story telling side note when Tom & I were stationed in Germany the first time his parents were still married to each other. When we returned home for a visit a year and a half later they were divorced and each remarried, his brother had met a woman and married her and my parents had moved from the home that I spent most of my childhood. I had two new nieces and a new daughter. WOW. Life goes by too fast. In the two years since my father passed I have two new grandsons & another granddaughter on the way, my daughter and her family have gone to Kansas (Iraq) and have returned home and I have completely changed my lifestyle by quitting my job. My nephew got married, another nephew joined the Air Force and yet another nephew has a new daughter, my niece came out of the closet, another niece is having her second baby and yet another one had a baby yesterday, Jillian, isn't she a cutey!

Here's to all the extra "gravy" Dad!

Spring Break

Watching the fish at the aquarium

Playing Go Fish in the hotel



At the zoo

Room Service (yes, it's ice cream)

What a great week but had I known it was also Spring break . . . I guess we still would have gone but it was crazy with kids everywhere. Anyway, Tom came back from a week in Seattle just to turn around and drive to Georgia for a conference. It looked like fun so Ella and I went along. We took two days getting there and besides the traffic in Virginia which we always have had it was a great trip. Ella and I were on our own to see the sights and we kept busy even meeting a friend that we knew in Kentucky with her triplets at the zoo. We stayed at the Omni Hotel in the CNN building, very hooty snooty but the room was ordinary and to Ella's disappointment the pool was broken. It was a major production to go anywhere since the place was so big and we had to wait for the valet to get the car any time we wanted to go anywhere. We tried walking the first day since we were in the heart of the city but it was unseasonably cold and we weren't prepared (I packed Spring clothes not Winter clothes!). It did warm up when we went to the zoo and we had a wonderful day! Watching a movie with PaPa 3D

"friends" at the hotel

This week end promises to be busy with church and then dinner/egg hunt with the whole family at Jen's house. I missed Jack & Wyatt so much this week, I can't wait to see them but I came home with a horrible cold so I guess I'll just have to sit back & watch. Friday we leave again for Ohio. Tom's Dad & wife Ruth are renewing their vows. They have been married for 25 years and think it's time to get married in a church. Friday is also the 2nd anniversary of my dad's death and I think I'll feel closer to him there. By the way anyone want to buy a condo in Ohio, we haven't sold his yet.

I want to mention a very sweet thing that Thomas did for Tom and I. On my mother's last day she asked my sister to have the song "On Eagles Wings" played at her funeral. It is taken from the book of Isaiah and in part is:

Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint.

I use this as my signature on my E-mails. It is also the scripture that Jennifer's school used to take the eagle as a mascot which by cooincidence was also Thomas & Charlie's mascot. Knowing what it meant to me he had sweatshirts made for Tom and I with an eagle and Isaiah 40 31 printed. Thanks Thomas We Love You

Not Me Monday

What a busy week! Tom was out of town and the days were long.

I didn't fall asleep by 9:30 every night after always complaining to Tom because he needs to go to bed so early. Not Me

I didn't stop at The Dollar Store after dropping Ella off at school to get breakfast (an 8 pack of miniature Snickers) Not Me

I didn't go to the grocery store JUST to pick up items needed to make stew for our church's food drive and came back with 3 bags of groceries and missing TWO items for the stew. Not Me

I didn't have to use mapquest to find our church's office. Ella went with me and assured me that we could solve the mystery. Not Me

I didn't go shopping to FOUR stores get things for an Easter egg hunt at Jen's and the only thing I got was a princess dress up outfit for Ella (how could I say no to her it was 75% off!) Not Me

I didn't take Ella & Jack (Jen too) to lunch and paid for Ella to have the buffet but not Jack when Jack ate 3 platefuls (healthy food though) and Ella ate none. Not Me

Wyatt came by too but I didn't do anything crazy. I don't think. He got his three month pictures taken. What a cutie!!

This week Ella and I came with Tom to Atlanta. Here she is at a place called Imagine It. There were plenty of things for the kids to use their imagination on. Here she is dressed up and on a stage singing "the Ariel" song. Tomorrow we're going to the aquarium and Wednesday we're meeting friends that we knew in Kentucky at the zoo.

Reconciliation

reconciliation -Synonyms: accord; agreement; compromise; harmony; settlement (also what us Catholics now call confession).

I had a wonderful week.

I found an organization that I can make blankets for that are given to children in need & Jen wants to help too.

I am also making stew with Michele to donate to a food bank through our church.

I am so happy that they have been going to church with us!

I had a great time at the surprise shower we threw for Thomas & Natalie.

I cleaned out my closet of two bags of "work" clothes.

I'm looking forward to going to Georgia with Tom and Ella next week (even if I DO have to wear a bathing suit).

I had each of my grandchildren to love on at our house (When I had only one grandchild a co worker once said to me "how will you be able to keep up when you have 10?" Bring em on!)

WYATT

JACK

ELLA

My energy level is up, maybe it's the vitamins my sister & daughter hooked me up with or maybe my hormones are giving me a break or maybe I'm starting to realize that my life is pretty good.

With the lenten season it seems like I hear more and more stories of people getting to an age and wanting to reconcile(I bet you were wondering when I'd get to the point) something in their life. Whether it be relationships between parents and children or siblings or even old friends. Or things that people wish they would have done. The stories always come back to appreciating the little things in life. Trying to reconcile the things that I have with the things that I want or think that I want. Things that I also want for our children. That's what I'm working on. I do know that I truly am lucky that I have so much family around me that love me.

Have I earned this life?

Last week end it was back to Ohio. This time for a baby shower for my brother, Mathew's daughter Rachel. It wasn't really about the shower though. Only Natalie, Jen and I went and we decided to make it a "girls" week end. We left here Friday and spent the night in PA with Grandma Joyce & Steve. No one was looking forward to it but it was a very pleasant evening. We then went on to the biggest set of Outlet stores in the US. We spent 10 hours saving money and then were off to our hotel in Ohio and after having dinner we got to bed not much before midnight. We got up to go to church and breakfast with Grandpap & Ruth and had a wonderful visit. Then off to the shower where I spent 2 hours chatting with my sisters and we got to meet our niece's girlfriend, the first time she has brought one to a family function. What a great week end, I feel lucky to have such a loving family.
We had a visiting priest today and he asked the question "Have you earned this life?". Strange because that's exactly how I've been feeling lately. Have I done enough in life to justify my life? Is it time to relax and just coast through. Tom has been talking about leaving his job and taking a disability retirement. I have to say that makes me anxious. I'm not ready for the downhill side of life. I DID quit my job and I haven't done much with my life since then so why shouldn't Tom do the same? He has a much better reason (constant pain) and a monetary plan. It's wrong and I'm sexist. I just want to be taken care of and that's wrong on so many levels.
So, obviously I realize that I have NOT earned this life. Last night I got on the local county's volunteer web sight to see where I could help. I have a problem with anxiety around new people and places so I volunteered for things I can do at home. Last year shortly after I quit my job I spent 3 days a week at the school where Thomas teaches. It was a rare day when it wasn't hard to get motivated to go but I enjoyed it each time. In the end though it didn't seem like I really did much good. I want to help but . . . I don't know what. I don't know if it's my anxiety or just laziness.
Church does this to me every time. I cry every week. I see the families with kids and remember when that was us. I see the alter servers and remember when they were my sons and how proud I was then. When Tom was a Eucharistic minister and the Parish Counsel President and I was a reader, a Sunday School teacher, a member of the women's group and organizer of Vacation Bible School. When our lives were so full and everyone knew who we were. We spent Holy week with our friends in Rome and had the bishop to our house for Christmas Eve dinner. I turn 50 in May and I'm not quite sure what that means for me. We've raised our family as hands on parents and now as hands on grandparents. Is that enough or should we do more? Is this what God intended for me?

Missing My Parents

My parents @25yrs

So, it's that time of year again. My mother's undiagnosed disease (now known as Amliodosis) came to a head and we lost her on Mother's Day 2004. My father whose esophagus was torn during routine surgery was put on hospice care and moved into my brother's house this time in 2007. We lost him on April 17th almost three years after my mother. She had turned 70 a couple of months before she died and he was 77 when he passed. I was in my mid 40's and my children were in their 20's and had a great relationship with them. We were lucky but it doesn't stop me from missing what we could be having IF . . .If, someone had connected Mom's symptoms and diagnosed her earlier If, someone would have listened to Dad when he said it really hurt when they yanked the tube out of his throat and they told him to "suck it up" and eat. Even at their ages they both died before their times. They were both very tough people. They worked hard and didn't expect any more from anyone else than what they would do themselves. They expected a lot from their children and adored their grandchildren but maybe didn't say it enough. They had a different relationship with each one of us. I am the youngest of five children all born by the time my mother was 25 and my dad 30. I was my dad's cupcake. My brothers Mathew & Mark and my sisters Kim & Cookie say I was spoiled.I didn't think I was at the time.I feel like they all look out for me now.
The good thing that came out of their sicknesses and deaths is that the five of us got to know each other for I think the first time. Besides Tom I think my family are the only true friends I have. My sister, Cookie,understands my weaknesses, my anxiety & depression without sympathy or judging. It's good to know that someone else has episodes like I do and still lives a "normal" life.

I know my mother was disappointed that I got married and started a family so young at 19 (as I guess I was when my daughter did the same- I'm proud of you Jen!). She was happy that I was able to travel even if it was with the Army. Dad never said much just that he loved us. After Tom joined the Army we didn't have a day to day relationship but when we came to visit it was 24-7 for at least 2 days and up to 2 months. We talked a lot and they got to see what the kids were really like. I miss those talks. I want to ask my mom what it was like to be a new grandmother and a mother-in-law. I want to sit at the kitchen table and read the paper with my dad and I want to open my E-mail and see those sometimes irritating forwards he used to send.
I started writing this morning because I have been listening to a CD that Thomas put together when he & Natalie got engaged. It's a few songs (mostly country so you know I cry) that tell the story of their love. It reminds me of where they came from and of how grateful I am to be married to a man after more than 30 years who loves me and wants to grow old with me. What started this post though was that my mother loved the cd and I think it made her realize just a little that maybe I was a success in life because the people around me are happy.

Not Me Monday

I saw this on a couple of other blogs and thought it was a great way to review my week. Mind you I really DID do these things but maybe shouldn't have.

I DIDN'T put my hand out to catch Jack spitting out a banana and end up with the contents of a teething baby's stomach spilling over onto the floor. Not Me
I DIDN'T completely forget to take Ella to dance class last Monday. Not Me.
I DIDN't spend $17 on only three books (one for each grandchild of course) at Ella's Book Fair. Not Me.
I DIDN"T get lost coming back from the airport after dropping Tom off and did not call Charlie expecting him to tell me over the phone how to find my way home. Not Me.
I DIDN'T give Ella Spaghetti for lunch three days in a row. Not Me.
I DIDN'T spend $30 and 6 hours (with Ella's help) making waffles and fresh fruit for the whole family (minus Shawn & Tom) for dinner on Ash Wednesday. Not Me.
I DIDN't then serve waffles & fruit to Ella for breakfast AND lunch for the next two straight days. Not Me.
I DIDn't spend 2 days on line looking for Easter outfits for the grandkids and then skip out on going to church Sunday. Not Me.

I hope next Monday will be less filled with DIDN'Ts

Fun Time but no pictures

I was waiting to up date until I could add pictures to help tell my stories but in the process of moving pictures from the desktop to an external hard drive and then plugging that into my laptop I managed to break off a couple of prongs on the power cable because I couldn't see well enough to plug the TINY plugs into the side of the laptop. Of course no one seems to carry that power cable. What good is it to safely back them up on an external hard drive when I can't use that either AUGGGG! I guess I need to go to the Dollar Store and get myself some stronger glasses. I hate needing reading glasses, when did I get old. I digress. . .
The week end was great. Grandpap actually looked better than he did in December. He was more worried about Wyatt, Jack & Ella getting germs from visiting the hospital. We wanted to show them off but they didn't even need to do anything but to be there and he thought they were "just beautiful". He's such a different man now than he was when I first met him. He thought I was a bad influence on his 16 year old son and I thought HE was the bad influence. He needed to sober up and I needed to become a mother-in-law before we truly understood each other. I digress AGAIN but I guess it's just a grandmother's ramblings. The week end. We've always taken Ella for the nights but have never taken Jack before. He was wonderful AND he even got his first tooth while on the way. We didn't have any problem finding him food wherever we went and everyone noticed "what a good eater" he is. He was cracking everyone up with the way he'll stare at you and raise his eyebrows (just like Dadddy). Cute now, maybe not so much when he's a teen ager. Uncle Matt actually had Stare Down contests with him! He didn't like his pack and play too much but as long as he could lay with PaPa he slept just fine. Ella & I had the other bed. She fell out of the bed well maybe fall out isn't right. When we got up to go pee (grandmother's need to get up and pee in the middle of the night) I was "helping" her get back into bed with the light off and we missed and she ended up stuck between the bed and the wall. Once I realized she was ok I couldn't stop laughing. I tried, but laying there in bed with her the giggles just kept popping out. She said it wasn't funny but then she started laughing too. We stayed at Uncle Matt & Aunt Sue Ann's house, Uncle Mark & Aunt Sue were there when we got there so we were able to show Wyatt off to everyone. They have a hot tub outside and Ella thinks it's a swimming pool. Uncle Matt and her spent an hour out there in the snow (not a decision I would have probably made as a mother). They had a great time squirting each other and putting snow on each other's head. We also got a chance to visit with my niece, Erin, and her two kids (1 1/2 & 6) at Aunt Cookie's house. Charlie, Michele & Wyatt came too. What fun & great food too. My sister is a wonderful host. Erin's mom (my sister Kim) showed up later on and it was nice to sit at the table with my two sisters that are now my friends. We never got to know each other when our parents were alive & healthy. My mom would be glad to know that we finally like each other.

Week End in Ohio with the Grandkids

A side note before I start, I'm going to make a link with a family tree of sorts so that when I mention someone you can go to the link and see who they are and how they are related.

ELLA & JACK

We found out this morning that Grandpap is in the hospital again. He has a lot of damage to his heart and it looks like his time is limited but it could be tomorrow or years from tomorrow. We've been through this twice already, with my parents. It's hard to know what to do when someone calls and says your parent is in the hospital and you are 6 hours away and have other responsibilities. I'm sure I'll touch on these feelings again since the experience was so major in my life. I know everyone looses their parents but that doesn't make it any easier. Anyway back to this week end, since Monday is President's Day and a day off for Pops we decided to take the drive to Ohio and check things out for ourselves AND since Ella's parent's are going away for the week end and we were going to take care of her anyway we will be taking her with us. She LOVES to go to Ohio. She loves to go anywhere and for now we take her whenever the opportunity arises. The bigger deal though is Jack's parents are going to let us take HIM too! As sad as it is to watch your parents die somehow having your grandchildren with you makes it more bearable. HE is looking forward to seeing them and we're looking forward to showing them off. Some people think we are crazy for taking the kids without their parents. We just feel lucky! These kids have touched our hearts more than we thought anything could. We spend enough time with them on a day to day basis that we know their likes and dislikes and their habits well enough not to stress over having them on our own. We are very grateful to their parents for letting us have so much to do with their lives.

Charlie & Michele are anxious to show off Wyatt so they are already on their way to Ohio. look for some good family pictures when we get back. Here's a link to Wyatt and his parents first professional pictures http://www.printroom.com/ViewGallery.asp?evgroupid=0&userid=tfraer&gallery_id=1402931

OK, so you can see how this whole thing gets emotions so conflicted. We're excited yet we're worried about Grandpap & Ruth too. We're not ready to let go of another parent just yet. When it's his time we know he's ready, he's made his peace with God and knows there is a place for him in heaven. I don't think it's his time but it has made us realize it's time for a visit and we're going to make it a good one.

The Meaning of Life?

I'm starting this blog as a journal for my grandchildren. I've been trying to come to terms with the purpose of my life. What was the purpose of my time here on earth? What did I accomplish? What's my claim to fame? Up to this point I've been a daughter, sister, wife, mother and grandmother and I think I have progressively gotten better as I approach each one but I don't feel I've been successful at any of them YET. I feel like these things are what I WANT to be my claim to fame. Charlie teases me that I am the matriarch of the family, He doesn't realize how much of a compliment that is.