I was raised with the be strong and don't let them see you cry mentality. There wasn't much to the discipline style but "the look". We knew that my mom would follow through if need be.
Because that was all I knew and I felt it worked that was also my discipline style. Charlie loves this commercial but I say I have a better "look". I added "go your room" (my kind of time out I guess) and "try that again", I had them do a lot of " do-overs". There was not an official time out or the as my dad called it the "Let's Make A Deal" where you talk it out, I didn't do it because I was the mom and you do it MY way.
Then there were the embarrassing episodes that made the look work for both my mom and myself. The times that we would explode because we sucked it up ourselves for so long that we would explode. Usually with some yelling & screaming, Something or someone usually got hit or thrown and it ended with us walking away knowing we had been sucking it up but not dealing with it very well.
I thought those days were past for me but this past week end I exploded and did some yelling at both my DIL's and my son. Nothing was thrown or hit but two small children were witness to it and for that I am horrified. For that I apologized to everyone.
In the end our kids to spite or because of what we did ended up pretty good and I think my brothers & sisters turned out good too. Now we turn it over to the next generation. Whether it's time out or "Let.s Make A Deal" (does anyone even remember that show any more?)
Now a days it's not so much about needing to be in charge. I just want the little ones never to be sad. I don.t worry so much about what kind of adult they will grow up to be, I just love them
Update: after discussing this with Jennifer she says she doesn't remember me ever loosing control so I asked her why the "look" worked and she said she just didn't want to disappoint me. Wow . . .
THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE . . . ARE NOT THINGS AT ALL
FAITH, HOPE and LOVE
HI!!!
ReplyDeleteWell let me be the first to say I UNDERSTAND everything you are saying and not saying, if you know what I mean!!!!
I also did the LOOK at my kids and the talking with clenched teeth, I yelled alot--mostly because I did not spank and I was frustrated at their behavior and when the look and GO to Your Room failed I resolved to yelling and screaming, until our neighbor mentioned that she hears me yelling sometimes, she had NO kids, so she said I don't understand nor blame you, but after that I was determined to never yell again, and I think pretty much I stuck to it. We sold that house several years later and this house is farther fromn the neighbors house!!! Also the kids grew up, some went away to college and our son, once got past 12 has been a pretty ideal kid!!!! But there are days when I would love to scream again and again, it's called menopause --it's like I'm 13 again and just starting the whole hormone thing, or the 35 thing with PMS, all these phases inlife are not pleasant. But as Women we all do it and we all understand, I sometimes think my daughters and my husband think I'm from another planet!!!!
Yelling is a good release from stress, and family issues have to be disdussed, I'm sad that you think the babies were harmed from this noise, really probably not, don't beat yourself up over it, life goes on, you said sorry and hopefully they did too!!!
It's good to get this stuff out in the open huh???
Hugs to you tonight,
jamie